I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
