guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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