Im at strip club and am horny
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
