Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
