oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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