I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
