You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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