Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
