Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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