Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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