i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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