I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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