he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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