Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
