Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
