He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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