I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
