Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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