what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
