I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
