I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
