I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
