Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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