Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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