her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
