He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
