...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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