She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
