i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
