If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
