I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
