you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
