Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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