Will you blow on my dice?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
