That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
