I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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