we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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