I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
