Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they're like a gay fantastic four
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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