i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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