I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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