The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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