We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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