I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
is it fun? or sober?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
