My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
