In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
