I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
