you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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