New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
