he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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