So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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