I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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