i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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