I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
