that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
