Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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