It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
