okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How naked do you want me to be?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
