So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
